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Still Standing (Life – Share Your Story)

I have been in two violent marriages and I am still standing Alhamdulliah

My first marriage lasted for 8 years, I was alone in another country and had no way out of the marriage. My mother and aunt arrived one day to take me and bring me back to the UK. During the marriage I suffered many black eyes on a weekly basis and I would go to work where I would be questioned about the bruises. I would lie and say ‘oh I walked into the wardrobe door, or I fell over’.

I lied to the doctor about the broken bone in my chest and the broken rib I used the excuse that I slipped in the bath. I put coffee on my split head to stop the bleeding. I was also thrown out of my home 4am in the morning, I was left with neighbours and people that I did not know, no-one wanted to help me, or tell him that he was wrong. You wouldn’t treat an animal like this so why do you allow a human being to be treated like this?

My last marriage took 3 long years of waiting, waiting for him to change; I lost my son and almost my life when I was just seventeen weeks pregnant. He did not know how to be faithful and gave me disease, I had other women calling, I saw pictures of him in bed with other women, I had a fan broken over my back, I had his brother and father molest me while I stayed in his family home.
Last year I finally had enough! We were supposed to be traveling back to his home and that night I was in bed, the lights were out but I watched him as he put hashish in his bag, closed the bag and locked it, and then put the keys to the lock in MY jacket pocket. I remained silent, did not make fuss as I just wanted to book his ticket and get him away from me, especially as he confessed to cheating on me with 6 different women in the 3 years of our marriage.

I was broken and thought that my life was over, it has been the longest and hardest year in my life, losing and burying my son, the one person that is supposed to love, protect and defend me, planting drugs in the bag and giving me the key so that I’m either imprisoned, deported, black listed or who knows.

I’ve been patient, I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, and I was broken bur Allah Subhan Wa Ta’la has been with me each step. I used to think that I was to blame and that they had the right to treat me like this, but they do not, no one has the right to beat you, insult you. You would not accept it from a friend or someone that you worked with and you would not allow someone to treat your daughter, sister or mother in this way so do not accept it for yourself!

It is hard to ask for help you feel ashamed, embarrassed, worthless! You wonder will people believe you? You worry about what others will say or think, but you have NOTHING to be ashamed of and eventually you will get sick of the constant arguing, of another bruise, a broken bone, having to clean the home again because of last night’s argument.
When you do know that it’s the first day of the rest of your life, never think that Allah Subhan Wa Ta’la has left you, He is with you, giving you the strength to get through another day if you aren’t strong enough to walk away Allah Subhan Wa Ta’la will give you a clear sign that enough is enough! He will show you the way out!

Please know that there are women that are and have been in the same place as you and are waiting to help, sadly these men will not change unless they are God fearing, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not to blame, you are an amazing, strong woman and the world is at your feet and Allah Subhan Wa Ta’la is at your side, be strong and keep your head up.


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5 Comments

  • Aisha Alemdar

    I can’t believe what you’ve been through and how you’re still standing. And how you found the courage to escape it all. I thought I’d lived through some bad things but there’s always worse. It kills me inside to know there are so many more women living though this, and so many more young girls!

    November 20, 2012 - at 11:32 pm
  • Aisha Alemdar

    Even his brother and father molested you. How awful… The thought of it makes me so uncomfortable. Awful, dreadful “people”.

    November 20, 2012 - at 11:44 pm
  • S.R.B

    may Allah reward you for the courage you have shown sister. May Allah always be with you and grant you the highest level of jannah, where you are reunitied with your son Ameen.

    Jazak Allah khair for sharing sis-you are truly someone special masha’Allah.

    November 21, 2012 - at 8:34 pm
  • K

    Ameen!

    November 22, 2012 - at 2:25 pm
  • Sam

    My dear sister your story brings back so many memories for me. I also alhamdulilah lived to tell the story as many do not. No one should be oppressed at the hands of the 1 person your supposed to love and trust the most. The tears you shed the duas you made were answered when Allah swt showed you a way out. May Allah swt make u among those who are an inspiriation for other sisters in the same situation. May allah grant u the best in this life and the next and may you carry on life with the same strength you showed to leave. Subhanallah you are not alone!! All my love and duas are with you x

    December 2, 2012 - at 9:36 am

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