Strength Against All Expectations

My story started when I got married to the man I thought would make my life better. I knew he had flaws, but as I’m a very easy going person raised to respect your husband and basically listen to and respect everyone older than you are. I sponsored him to Canada where i lived most of my life, but he didn’t come for me, he didn’t even want me. I was persistent to make it work and make this man care for me and have a loving family together. It started from the beginning. Strange how everyone around me could see what was going on, but no one offered to help. As for me I was blinded, not to mention a floor mat.

He started with verbal abuse, being away from the house. His friends and their families always came first. He was the perfect man for his friends wives and their children. When he came home to us, he was the devil himself. He was neglectful, rude, disrespectful. He was home and at the same time he was not there.

The next stage in our marriage was when he wouldn’t provide us with necessities such as food, money, even the chance of going out was not allowed. His temper arose and he became very difficult to talk to. His daughters were afraid of him and ran to their room when he was home. I would sit up all night worried about him waiting for him to come home from gambling. Coming home to lies, threats, and abuse. I starved myself making sure there was something form my children to eat. I would hide whatever money I had wrapped up in a sock, the place where he would not think about searching. I was the fun, happy mom for my kids, but inside I was being torn apart with pain and torture.

You may ask where is my family in all of this. My parents were back home and I didn’t wasn’t to upset them as they had health problems to deal with. My family and friends close by didn’t want to get involved and said I should take care of things myself.

He started hitting, slapping, kicking, even spitting on me. After moving house to house from eviction for not paying rent and losing jobs and friends, I stood by him. That didn’t matter to him. One person living in a different province said pack your bags and come here, don’t even tell him where you are. I said I have to try everything I can before I can make such a decision. I have to try more.

So there I was with three daughters waiting and giving chances to a man who doesn’t care. My whole day was dedicated to making sure my daughters were taken care of best I can and making dua and praying to Allah. Something eventually started to change inside myself. I felt myself stronger and fighting back. I began demanding what we need. Like money for food, like taking the girls out for a day or visiting friends of mine. Of course he refused and fought back and got worse. I guess they say it has to get worse before it gets better and it did. I guess Allah was helping me to where I am now.

On a specific event, I asked him to bring me back my medicine on his way home from “work”. I kept calling him all night, he didn’t come home from early morning until just before midnight. When I called to ask him where he was he said he was eating, even though I would make meals daily and he knew I needed my asthma medication. When he arrived he begin the usual yelling and screaming, throwing things around and breaking things in the house. The children ran up to their room as usual, huddled together waiting for the storm to end. This time the storm escalated. He unplugged all the phones from the house and locked the doors. He grabbed me in an area between my shoulder and my neck and said you wont feel anything, it’ll be a slow process but you’ll just feel weak and your body will stop very soon. When I’m done with you I’m going to go upstairs to your children and take care of them. I fought back to escape and opened the door to escape but I couldn’t go without the children. A passer-by knocked on our door asking if we are okay, he told him everything was alright. I stood behind him and shook my head to the stranger meaning I was not ok. My loving husband then left the house. I called his cousin told him what happened and begged him not to let him come back home tonight. Of course to my disappointment, he came back. I walked out with my children in the morning to my brothers house and asked for help. They told me I need to call the police. He was arrested after that, but my brothers told me its my fault and i need to withdraw my complaint and get him out of jail. I listened to them and did my best to get him out. He was sent for counselling which the Councillor told me he’s a good guy. He changed in a way where it was based on verbal abuse only. I found my backbone and said to myself if all of society was going to stand by his side and let me down, I’m not going to let my children down. So I found a job and that was a new strong me. The last day he lived with us was when I called him one morning to ask him a question and he screamed at me on the phone to leave him alone. So I said you know what come give me your house key and get out of my house. So he did, like he was waiting for me to do that . He packed his car and said bye to the kids so easily and threw the key to my face and left. That was the end of him.

I went back to school and obtain my Medical Office Assistant diploma. Now I work at a medical office field and raising my children on my own. Living a very happy life. One daughter is second year university, one is high school, and my youngest is ten. Enjoying each other and looking forward to tomorrow.

Please be strong and don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. No one deserves to be treated this way and no one has the right to treat any other person this way. Love and respect are deserved and should be given. Watch for the signs and care for each other. Domestic Abuse should never be tolerated.

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