No More Fear (Survivor Story): Part 1 | Part 2
My cousin who is like my sister had gotten married but I was unable to attend and my family knew something was wrong. I hadn’t been to any family functions or events for the past 2 years so something wasn’t obviously right.
I then had our 2nd daughter. When I was in labour he wanted to go home and “leave me to it!” The midwife said “you have to stay be there for your wife!” He looked at me and said “be there for her!” in complete disgust. I began to cry and said “just go leave me!” He stayed because this was the first time I spoke out in public to anyone. The first thing he said when she was born was “oh no another girl!” I felt like I had failed him again. Even though he did spend a lot of time with my eldest daughter and clearly loved her, she was starting to shout, hit and get very angry very easily mimicking what she was seeing. I told my sister through email what was happening, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing and told me she was going to tell the rest of the family. I told her I’ve been patient and managed to deal with it so far just give me a little more time. I would email her regularly to tell her about what I was going through not entirely but I told her most of it. He once was going to hit me when I couldn’t find some paperwork he was looking for. My daughter ran towards me scared and he stopped himself.
One day when my little girl was 2 weeks old he said I could go to see my family. I packed my bags took the girls and left. I met my sister at the train station and said “I’m leaving him!” I can’t take it anymore. I knew he didn’t love me or even care if I was dead or alive now! So me leaving him wasn’t going to affect him (though I was still concerned about his well-being). He went to Pakistan to get his sisters married, his mum and family went too. He took my eldest daughter with him. I thought I wasn’t going to see her again! He told me I was allowed to let my sister and mum stay while he was there so I was over the moon. I called them and within a matter of hours they were with me, it felt so good to be able to see them and be in the same room without feeling scared of what might be said!
After 2 weeks he returned with my daughter. The first thing he said when he saw our youngest was what’s wrong with her. I said “what do you mean?” He said “your family has done jadoo (black magic) on her, shes ugly!” I took one look at her put her against my chest and wept. She looked like me and I know he was angry but why say that about our child. He didn’t look at her or spend any time with her even though he was a father he didn’t earn the title.
He started a new job and with his first wage he bought himself a laptop. I was furious but didn’t say anything! Two kids no money and he gets a laptop! I couldn’t believe it! I knew he didn’t want the girls or me, he wanted his single life so much he could have it. He then started to become aggressive pulling my arm and stepping on my feet. I would recite Quran daily went to a learned person to ask for advice he told me to read different surahs from the Quran and pray he is good to me. Then I remembered something to myself.
“On no soul do We place a burden greater than it can bear: before Us is a record which clearly shows the truth: they will never be wronged”
(Wala nukallifu nafsan illa wusAAaha waladayna kitabun yantiqu bialhaqqi wahum la yuthlamoona)
I saw the timetable from his workplace of his hours of work and said to my sister I’m getting out. I can’t cope and to tell my uncles to come with a van as I was ready to pack. He took everything I had, my dignity, self worth and happiness but he wasn’t going to have my kids.
I got them both ready to leave, took one look at the house and said goodbye to all my worries, anxiety and pain! The girls are my life my everything and I wasn’t going to let them suffer.
He contacted me the very next day after I left saying he loved me and wanted me back. He had planned a trip to turkey with his friends and he said he would take me and the girls on holiday instead. I refused! I said I’m worth more than this, and I don’t deserve the years of abuse I’ve had to endure!
I got to my mum’s house and took a big sigh of relief and took my daughters in my arms, then 8 months and 2 years, and said it’s us against everyone. It’s going to be hard but we will get through it and Alhamdulilah we did!
I came to know that my eldest daughter wasn’t the same as my nephew a couple of months younger than her. She was slower and needed more help. I later came to know that she has learning difficulties and has a lower mental age as a child the same age as her. Her father is still unaware of this!
Me and my girls are safe and Masha’Allah happy to. Do not stand for this kind of behaviour! My family have been my support and my backbone. Within the community it has been tough but it’s worth it every day when I see my girls smiling!