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The Death Of My Tears

My emotions live only to be harmed
I want none other but you and yet I want you not the same
Silently confiding my sadness in you from a distance
How my eyes long for the affection now concealed behind a demeanour so cold
As I relieve the nights of a tortured soul

My heart tells me you are still my love and yet my wounds tell me it is not so
I would forget it all if you would merely change
Lying to myself so that I can believe your tragic lies
So helpless as I see my hopes blown around like a cloud beneath the seven skies
How much you have taken of me.
Yesterday you promised me a thousand promises
Yet once more you break me into a thousand tears

I plead with you not to scream as you proceed to beat me
I’m scared, can you not see? I’m scared and only my heart stands witness
For what fault of mine are you punishing me?
Your strikes almost meaningless whilst I tremble in fear
My body feels no pain as I die a little more inside
No one to hear my cries as I realise I’m alone just as I was yesterday
There’s nowhere for me to turn so I close my eyes and pray.

I spoke to my soul as it lay so tormented in your hands
The true hurt begins the moment your violence stops.
Was it not enough that you saw fear in my eyes?
My bruises could not begin to describe how I feel inside
Why would you do this to me?
This was never what I chose to be

I wonder what’s on your mind; I wonder if you wonder what’s on mine
I can’t sleep through a pain so deep and real
Enough. I can cope no more.
I searched for a way out but the weakness in my heart stopped me
As I stare at the cup in my hand and bring the poison closer to my lips
Imagining you lamenting at my soon to be corpse laying on the floor
Till death do us part, and so I shall choose to suffer no more.

When I cease to breathe maybe you would acknowledge my existence
I would not see it but maybe you would wipe my tears
I want not feel it but maybe you would kiss me after all these years
I would not hear it but maybe you would say sorry
And I would not know it but maybe someone would relate to me and learn from the mistakes upon the pages of my story


Zaid Zaidane is a 21 year old inspirational poet, originally from Iraq who writes about the many humanitarian crisis which are currently widespread across the Middle East as well as a plethora of issues which effect the general population, such as Domestic violence.

4 Comments

  • ghumaisha

    feel like i read on my own story.. 🙁 the same thing happened to me few years ago.. Alhamdulillah i manage to live without him until today.. Allah show me the way..

    January 11, 2012 - at 4:09 pm
  • Jeudithursday

    beautiful and painfully true…to love the oppressor…sad…and when you learn to put in place boundaries for your own safety the abuser walks on and finds another who will accept the abuse..I think they are not searching for love but for control…ultimately in gods great truth the sadness i feel is for the abuser…once a victim themself still wounding others from there pain..so weak so damaged….let all women rise up and be free of these wolves in sheeps clothing…

    January 15, 2012 - at 4:16 am
  • Zaid

    Salam, I wrote this piece but I deactivated my facebook account, you can follow me on my twitter account @zaidzaidane:twitter where you can find a link to my other work 🙂 

    February 1, 2012 - at 2:48 am
  • Simi20002

    The poem beautifully written, tells the insight of many thousands of women,,Its so sad that I can relate to this, may Allah give me the strength to see through my silent fear and pain…

    March 7, 2012 - at 12:23 pm

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