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Advice to Fathers and Guardians – A Silent Cry.

Advice to Fathers and Guardians - a silent cry.

Whilst we the guardians are busying ourselves carving out our personal lives, happily meeting our needs and planning for our own personal objectives, we often forget those whom Allah has placed under our authority, those that are a part of our lives, who like you and I, have objectives and needs. But of course, they are told to remain patient and bear it with difficulty.

Whilst we begin to change the world with our vision, and drink the tea brought to us by our daughters, we dismiss the possibility of those very ‘local’ to us who also have a vision of their own, more than to make tea and wash the dishes. But as usual, they are told to remain patient and bear it with difficulty.

Whilst we laugh, play, meet friends outside, earn a good income, buy our houses, enjoy our marriages and have children, we neglect those that are shrivelling up close to us, who are living in the polar opposite; in a world carved out of depression, pain, neglect, fear and anxiety. But yes, we drink the tea that they make for us, and they are told to remain patient and bear it with difficulty.

Whilst we keep our solitary eyes open, only seeing what we want to see and feeling what we want to feel, we don’t realise that there are those amongst us, in our own families, that would rather that their eyes close, sometimes permanently. Yearning to be listened to and acknowledged, But indeed, we drink their wonderful tea, and they are told to remain patient and bear it with difficulty.

My dear brothers, fathers and uncles, do not neglect your children, especially your daughters.

We talk about how they’re ‘beautiful diamonds and pearls’, covered up in hijaab and abaya, only to be kept away and preserved, but we don’t realise, many a time, this preservation coupled with neglect, results in a cage, like the animals locked up for their ‘own good’ by their guardians.

How many of you have consulted your own sisters or daughters other than for them to make you a wonderful cup of tea. To see how they are and what they are going through in their life living in a secular or dictatorial world, that too with many islamaphobic attacks that are prevalent? You haven’t, because their life isn’t as important to you than your own, nor do their lives ‘fit into your personal objectives, except when it benefits you. But most certainly, they are told to remain patient and bear it with difficulty.

Have you asked why they may always be in their room, at times in the dark; and cursed for being unsociable, only seen to be smiling a little, but weeping much?

Have you once considered their needs over yours? Whether they are happy, or burning inside and yearning for your support? Have you asked what grieves them or why they act the way they do? Have you helped them and advised them like you help your wives and advise them with something that may be wrong?

If you haven’t, then know! That they will break their cages, seek love, attention, support, and affection elsewhere, because those rights were neglected by you.

When they turn to Allah, in sujuud for assistance at the depths of the night, and you neglected their rights particularly for marriage and companionship, and their desire to work and study to make a change in society and the world, what then will you say to Allah Azzawajal when they mention on the greatest day man will ever witness, that ‘you were their awliyaa (protectors, supporters, helpers, guardians), but you neglected their huquuq (rights) and they were left unattended to, and caged in their sadness and depression?

We will never know, and indeed I will never know, since Allah hadn’t blessed me with a sister amongst my many brothers, what it’s like to be a god fearing Muslimah living in a corrupt secular society, whilst at the same time, being neglected by those who claim to love them.

May Allah the Most Merciful grant us mercy, and allow us to open our hearts to those that are under our care, give them their due rights, and protect them in a way that Allah is most pleased with.

Ameen.

 

– Sy Zam Chow

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